Eight Hour Retreat
Andy Buwalda
April 25, 2011
Kingfisher Bay Resort, Stony Lake, Ontario (just north of Peterborough)
We arrived, Joey and I, at 10:40 a.m. I deposited Joey at the big house with her paraphernalia and went directly to the cabin…the illegally built and therefore illegitimate cabin which sits at the other end of the property… on a pond. It is illegitimate in that the previous owners built it without the benefit of a building permit. It exists, as is known in the municipal bylaw world as “…existing non-conforming” which is an existence of dubious security and limited rights. Now this cabin is out of the way and one needs to intentionally make ones way to it, which, along with its illegitimacy gives it “…a place set apart” quality to it. As well, it has a bit of a hunter’s cabin feel to it in that it has only the bare necessities. So…don’t worry about your shoes!
First I checked out the condition of the Andyman Trail… that is the path around the pond. I noted that water feeding the pond comes from two sides which was an eye-opener for me as during the summer it is only apparent that it comes in from one side. The pond is fed by runoff from surrounding slopes. It is not spring fed. So basically it is really a giant man made mud puddle and, yes indeed, it dries up in the summer. Still, when the trees are in full bloom and the pond is full it is a very idyllic place with a charm very much its own. It really is ‘a place set apart’. All that to say that the ‘cabin’ suits me (and my purposes today) very well.
And so to my purpose: I am using it… as a place set apart… for my 8 hour retreat. This is a retreat with the intention of being still… listening to God….speaking with God…and generally relaxing and resting. I got out my favorite camping chair, then my guitar, then my bible and notebook and ensconced my self on the deck. First I played my guitar for 15 minutes. This helped me to relax. After an hour and a half drive plus loading and unloading, all of which are intentional and busy activities, you need to relax even if you think you don’t. Now then, time to pray which I did… maybe 15 minutes… but actually did very little praying…. The birds! The birds! Positively deafening! Many more than last year it seemed. And strangely I didn’t see one bird…notta one!...they were invisible… tried to pray some more….Dear Lord, here I am, I am a sinner … yes I know it, and here I am trying to pray and hear you and listen for you and… more twittering, squawking birds…. getting louder…. and louder …. and louder….
I opened my eyes and looked up… the birds were positively screeching… like it was a big panic…. I looked around at the tops of the trees … nothing….the pitch of the squawking increased even more… then out of the north … near level with the tree tops…on silent murderous wings… a short tailed hawk… sailed right across the pond. He looked neither left nor right… but supreme in his confidence and haughty disdain, flew on in the direction of the big house paying not the slightest heed to the cacophony around him. Slowly the volume of the squawking rabble subsided with each silent wing beat that carried the intruding marauder away. The cabin community choir returned back to its rather irregular rhythm of chirp, burp, twitter and squawk.
I decided to join the choir and make my contribution with my harmonica….some 15…maybe 20 minutes or so. That’s hard work if you don’t do it enough. I felt a bit winded after that. Time to take a break. Took a swig of coffee from my thermos, took out the tools from the back of the van and approached the deck railing. Now I need to explain; I had arranged to do some ‘mindless work’ while I was on this retreat and the appointed task we settled on was that I would begin the removal of said deck which was to be demolished. And so that is what I did. I removed all the top boards, removed the nails and tossed them into a coffee can and stacked the boards. O. K. time for lunch.
Lunch was good. Said a short prayer… felt guilty that I hadn’t done much praying… attacked the lunch…went down well…no problem there… two double cheese sandwiches and a thermos of coffee with a chocolate bar…thank you Lord… it was great! Sat back, sated and relaxed. Two hawks appeared above the pond. These were much higher than the tree tops and soaring in concentric circles as hawks do when they are hunting. These circles where, if one were to trace them on paper, basically spirals in so much as each repeating circle was further away…in this case further away to the north. They soon disappeared from sight. More chirping, twittering and squawking…woody the woodpecker had apparently joined the ensemble. He must have found a tree that had a fair amount of hollowness to it as his percussion was quite resonating. Well, time to write this down… have been writing for 20 minutes… time to close my eyes and listen to God. This is when I became aware of Thumper the Grouse adding his base percussion to the choir…. thump…..thump…..thump…. thump…thump..thump.thumo.thump. thumper er erererer…..actually 16 to 18 distinct thumps before the ererererererrrr part starts. Sounds like a lawnmower perpetually starting then dying out ‘cause the carburetor is blocked! Poor thumper! Needs a carburetor overhaul.
Hard to keep my mind on God. Very difficult not to listen to the birds…but what an amazing variation of bird calls. Time to do some more work. Took down two sections of railing and removed two posts….goed –zo! Time to do some more meditating. So I walked down the Andyman trail and sat down on the white bench … one slat is broken … needs to be fixed… sat for twenty minutes thinking about everything and nothing. …decided to ford the mighty Mudsquat River where it feeds into Golden Pond….step over from rock to rock…no prob…sat in the Adirondack chair for a minute or two… decided to walk a bit of the ‘cabin trail’ then back again and sat down in the same chair with the stated intention of meditating. First I marveled at the afternoon community choir and instead of meditating I began separating the various calls and trying to locate the owner of each melody. Not being very successful at that I decided to add my own melody where upon I began to whistle….one long, three shorts, and a long…. thus: twweeeeeeeeeeeeet, tweet, tweet, tweet, twwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
I distinctly remember looking at my watch and it was almost 2:45… when next I remember it was 3:30! I had fallen asleep…well that’s a pretty pickle…but secretly I was pleased… if I can sleep like that I must be pretty relaxed! But, dear reader, just think….use your imagination…you walk up to the cabin and you spy some character across the pond …some grizzly old coot with a cowboy hat…. and he doesn’t move…not 5… not 10… not for a half an hour… what strange thoughts would go through your mind…I will leave you to your private imaginings.
Well a few minutes after taking in my surroundings and my state of drowsiness, I upped and forded the river again and back to the deck where I proceeded to do some more meditating. A swig of coffee, a couple of cookies, however, dear reader, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak… the remainder of the deck was beckoning. I decided to take the railing out of its misery. Half an hour later the deck railing was all but history. Then the phone rang … it was my dear wife… very hesitantly and politely apologizing for interrupting my discourse with God but that she needed to inform me that supper would be at 7 p m. Good, good, good. Will be there. Finished the job … was putting the tools away when the phone rang gain…it was the woodsman himself wondering how I was getting along… I said ‘…come visit.. and hung up. All was in order, tools put away, lumber stacked nice and neat, and so I sat and awaited the woodsman. He arrived in a bit of a pant – I think he had been running… maybe jogging… not sure… we discussed the deck, the boards, the cabin, the trail, the other trail and then yet another trail and then the deck at which point he left in the direction he had come with a reminder that supper was at 7.
Now then, as it was only 5:30 I had some time yet… one more chance to meditate and listen for God… for the still small voice. Which I did… try to hear I mean. This time I sat at the old picnic table and wrote a bit and did some praying…and I got to thinkin’…it occurred to me that I was quite presumptuous…why should God be talkin’ to me anyway? I mean He’ll talk to me when he is good and ready! No amount of meditating, praying, retreating, relaxing , is going to manipulate Him. And there is a bit of that in what I am doing… the manipulating I mean. On the other hand, the bible does talk about ‘…seek the Lord while he can be found’ or words to that effect. I continued to muss along in a general fashion on this thought…as I walked along the Andyman trail. I decided to check out the ‘Owl House’ that the woodsman had nailed to a tree. Turns out this is really a ‘wood duck house’. From this location there became apparent another woodsman trail in the making. I followed this for a long way and decided that I was not going to reach the end of it whereupon I turned and retraced my steps….back past all the sawn trees, logs, the wood duck house and finally the cabin.
I looked around…. all was packed away…I locked up the cabin (I had only gone in once!) climbed into the van and drove over to the big house. It was 6:45 p.m.
My time with God was over. What an odd statement. What do I mean, “…my time with God was over”!? And thereby hangs the lesson: time with God is not scheduled and slotted to be punched on a time card. My time with God is anytime… just be listening… anytime and all the time. I might hear him…but then again I may not… but that doesn’t mean God does not exist…. or that he is not talking to me. The question or questions are: Am I listening? And if I am listening, is my hearing acute enough to hear? Do I know what to listen for? Is my hearing so poor that it needs healing? Am I out of practice? Or maybe never even been in practice?
My relationship with God has grown… however imperceptibly… with this experience…I am not at that place where I can put my finger on it as to how it has grown…but I know that it has.
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