A possible solution of sorts!

If all goes well this should be my last squirrel squirmish post.  I have not heard any  noise in the garage attic for the last week... they have seen the light.... they have admitted defeat.... they have met their nemises.... they have lost hope.... they have moved on...  given in... sold out... cashed in their chips... seen the writing on the wall... they have submitted ...buckled under... succumbed in shame...  they have been humiliated .... they have bowed to pressure and acceded to superiority.... .... never to  rise again!  (or so I would like to think!)

Now then, as far as the video goes... I do not suggest that this is a viable option.... 'cause  one of my 'bushy tailed little fiends may get hurt!

Squirrel Wars: the further chronicles of

General Beggerpants

My wife says I have this tendency to crow! By this she does not mean 'bragging'. No... what she is referring to is the same sentiment as  the six year old who, rushing into the house, proclaims: "We caught a frog and then it got away!" except hopefully I come across a little more subtle than that. But I will concede that a bit of that sentiment would not be out of place today. Just yesterday, I have heard myself crow, to someone over the phone. In answer to 'How are you' I said: "I am victorious!".  "You are what?"  Well she heard me right the first time but asks me to repeat it just to be sure she heard me right.... I mean you don't expect to be crowed at over the phone - generally speaking.
Looking out my kitchen window I can see the garage and most of one side of the roof. The roof is covered with an inch of snow.... and lots of squirrel tracks.... they have been checkin' out their point of entry which has been covered over with aluminium. I am glad to report that when I open the garage door there is not a sound to be heard.... and this has been the case for the last 2 days. Am I claiming victory to early? Maybe. But why  all the tracks on the roof? They are checkin' it out ... surveying the situation... maybe regrouping....so maybe I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch.
We, that is my wife and I, left to visit the kids and grandson this morning and chanced to see, as we were driving away,  three squirrels together near a tree in front of our house. "It's the beginnings of a squirrel rally" she remarked. "They are concerned for their kith and kin being turned out of their home.. something you are responsible for. Now they are conspiring to take it back. You know what I think?"  She didn't wait for me to answer whether I wanted to know what she thought....she just continued...."You know that big black squirrel that sits in the bird feeder under the dinning room window? You know, the one with the three or four bald spots on its back and  a tuft of hair missing in his tail?  The one you call 'Lookitthelittlebugger'?

"Forget the garage...we're goin' fer the big house now!"

"Oh you mean General Beggerpants!" I said.  "Is that what you call him?  Well O K. You know what he is saying .....he is saying, 'Forget the garage....we are going for the big house now!'  So you see what you've done... you have stirred up a hornet's nest! she said accusingly.  "That's squirrel's nest" I said just to have something to say.....where upon I was given 'the look'.

Despicable Inflatable Santa Clauses!

There is nothing dumber, tasteless and  pathetic than a deflated Santa Claus!  Really! The best word to use regarding them is 'dumb'! I thought of some others adjectives that have merit:  ludicrous,  ridiculous, pathetic, lamentably inadequate, woefully  useless, grotesquely farcical, preposterously silly,  .......but dumb, tasteless, and pathetic are my first, second, and third choices.  

If we are going to play the game - the childish but fun game of pretending  than lets do it right. We all love pretending: we did it as kids and we do it in spades as adults.... but then it's called going to the movies!  One of the first and most basic rules of a movie is that the characters not look at the camera. If they do- and you make eye contact- bam! you lose the fantasy. 

Deflated Santa Clauses are worse than that. I mean an inflated Santa Clause looks tacky enough but when they deflate and it looks like some garbage on the lawn...how ugly is that?! And what does it do to the fantasy of Santa Clause?  What to do...what to do? My suggestion is just don't buy 'em. Don't line the pockets of Wall Mart or anyone else and  have some respect for the intelligence and sensibilities of kids... that is, all of us.  Just don't buy 'em. 

Squirrel Wars: the further chronicles of

In a time of ice and snow, in a garage not so far, far  away, comes a tale of  humility and angst, of deception, defeat and unmitigated gall! Alien forces, cleverly disguised as earthly planetary residents  have entered and taken over enemy quarters. It has become a base from which  they emanate, in brazen defiance and arrogance to carry out what subterfuge that may enter their fiendish, devilish brains.

Young Anno Soldieranno  has bravely taken on the challenge... "...to the breach!, to the breach!  my laddies!"   Words, words...oohh but  words are fine.........we shall do this!, we shall do that!....he conspires with his fellow man: What shall I do? What shall I do? Shall I take on the challenge and thereby put my pride at risk? What pride!? What pride!?  his fellow compatriots respond. Oh the bitter, bitter truth!
 Young Anno Soldieranno looks down, and as he considers deep and dark, his inward thoughts dredge up and age old musty thoughts come to the fore. The words...the words... the words ring clear... the words his father spoke... though long so many years ago...young  Anno Soldieranno fighting with an anxious and  rebellious horse....through the mists and fog of time...the words rang out...the words rang clear:
                                 ..."...the horse is smart... and more than you!" 

The stakes are raw... a  fatal flaw... is pride and indiscretion!   And so the question: to put yourself to the test and suffer the slings and arrows such action shall surely exact...or ...to quietly, silently slink away!

 Oh blood of Frisian Vikings rise!  Rise up and boil and to the ramparts roil - and there to stand as no man  ever stood before!

The truth my friends... my dear compatriots ....the squirrels are winning!  My feeble attempts of throwing mothballs up in the attic made no difference what so ever. I thought I had been victorious  in squirrel wars 3 but , alas and alack- 'twas not to be. Yesterday, when I opened the garage door - again the desperate scramble of alien hordes -  sound and fury once again to hurry them on their way. Today I carried out reconisence and discovered their newest and most odious ' in your face' point of egress: the same! the same! as other wars...but - this time right where the blocks and soffit meet.... a 3 inch diameter hole...again! Are they beavers! Are they shape changers?! This time I cut a square foot of aluminium and screwed it securely over the hole... again. It's on the gable end on the back of the garage so even though it is unsightly- it can not be seen  from the front. We shall see... we shall see...

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—	40
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare	45
Disturb the universe?

Much is at risk...my father's challenge...nothing less!
                           
                                I grow old.  I grow old.
                               I shall wear my trousers rolled!

(apologies to T S Elliot)

Squirrel Wars 3: the further chronicles of

If you read  my last two blogs you will know the story of squirrel skirmishes one and two.  This is squirrel skirmish 3 and hopefully the last.  Yesterday, every time I opened the overhead door into the garage I would hear the squirrels stampeding in the attic... in a hurry to get out - where upon I would  bang on the  rafters  and cuss at 'em etc.. to help them along. The ceiling in the garage has drywall on it so I cannot actually see the little buggers...but I can hear them.  "Oh darn! They're still in there!" I thought to myself. Turns out, yes they did have an alternate escape route.  I originally thought they were entering through the louvres of the air vent in the gable and I was right...  but I guess they were only using that as an alternate route since the hole in the soffit was much easier... until I blocked it with a piece of sheet aluminium (see squirrel war 2).  I had put a piece of high density lattice over the vent  in the inside but that apparently wasn't enough- they just chewed right through the lattice and made a hole big enough to get out and then they'd go out through the vent louvers.
 So! I installed a piece of 3/8 inch plywood over the vent... again from the inside. That seems to have done the trick  'cause I haven't heard them all day and I have gone in three or four times.  But I am not claiming victory yet. I am not writing them off - they are determined little varmints. Maybe they will find another access point... we shall see.

Squirrel Wars Two: the further chronicles of

I really thought  I had 'em beat (see last  posting for  2011 for info explaining what this is about).  But yesterday morning as I looked out the kitchen window I saw a couple of squirrels suspiciously hangin' out  on the roof of the garage near  the far bottom corner - which is where the their access hole to the attic was located.  Well now...I put on my war gear and out I marched... first to have a look at their entrance from the outside. It is very difficult to get at as it is right  dead centre to the confluence of the soffit going horizontal along the side of the garage and the soffit going verticle up the back gable - which, to add confusion, is also where the  shed roof of the lean-to meets the garage.

So!  What did I see? A huge hole! They had chewed around the blocks of wood I had screwed in to block their earlier egress. I had left some room - say maybe  a third of  an inch - I mean their hole wasn't nice an square or anything. Anyway there it was  - a hole about 3 and a half  inches in diameter...freshly chewed.

Well enough is enough!  Into battle mode it is - once again into the breach my laddies! Open the garage door - same routine - bang away at the rafters, on the garage door - on the walls - all the while cussin' at them  and generally makin' a good 'ol ruck-us.  Then I found a piece of left over aluminium siding from under the lean to - got my tin snips & screw gun and set about covering everything up in that corner under the soffit - screwed it down nice and tight with nary an opening anywhere. It was a lot more work than these few lines may suggest. but it was a labour of, no, not love, rather  grit & ferocity. Then, since there was nothing left to do but wait and see I left it and went on about my business. And that, in this case meant I got on with doing the Lord's work... specifically, visiting one of our elderly  church members in the hospital and another in his home. Did I do that with the same determination? No not quite - that actually was a labour of love. But that is another story entirely.  This morning (Jan.3rd already!) -  my wife and I are going out for breaky - and I will check on the enemy when we return.

And so I did and I am embarrassed to report that the enemy is still  well ensconced and without a signed lease. I went in and made a big fuss - a lot of sound and fury - signifying nothing as far as the enemy is concerned. My strategy now is to leave the garage door open and periodically go in and  crank up a storm of  bangin' and stuff... the thinking is that they will not want to live up there with all that ruckus.  The thing is, dear reader, I really do not want to go up in the attic and try to 'chase' them out. The last thing I want to do is corner them. Cornering a 'coon is worse - much worse - but squirrels are no picnic either! 

 So far the score is: Squatter Squirrels 2 - Andyman  0