Custer the Friendly Kirk Mouse

I huffed and puffed and ranted and raved as Cassie and I were alone one evening last week:

"Oh Bother! Oh Bother!" I mumbled and stumbled.

"Rats, cats, and sneaky traps!" I fussed and I mussed.

"You can babble and bubble.. but it’s all toil and trouble,

 In a big mud puddle!"

Cassie was a bit alarmed as well she might: "Oh whatever is the matter?! You’re carrying on so, you'd think someone chopped your tail off with a butcher knife! Have you lost your hat? What is going on?!" she said in her most matronly yet exasperated voice. "Oh I didn't think... well I was hoping...  well it’s this... I found another baited trap in the kitchen just an hour ago! I was really hoping for the best... that when that ex custo went away, that the new one... well it turns out he is setting traps too!  Oh Mother! Oh Father! It’s just such a bother!" "Oh just calm down", she said, "I'll fix you up some of your favourite blue cheese... that'll make you feel better!" I wasn't going to say no to that... there's nothing like comfort food to get my mind off things and my pleasantly plump Cassie knows that so well.

When she came back she not only had a big chunk of curdled cheese but a great idea to go with it. "Why don't you teach the kids all you know about traps" she said "Teach them what they look like and what to look out for. They need to know that if something looks too good to be true... like a wonderful slab of peanut butter just sitting there for no reason ... well, that just doesn't happen and if it does ... watch out!"  What a good idea! I thought to myself. I can spring the trap for the kids to see how it works and then explain it to them... yes I could!

The more I thought about it the more convinced I became.  And that is exactly what I did last night. In the wee hours of the night ... we hadn't heard anything for the last couple of hours except the rumble of the big, cold, fridge... I took my bountiful brood into the kitchen and showed them the trap. I made them all stand on one side and I said, “Kids...now watch carefully … this is how it’s done!” Then, in a flash, I brought my tail up and with a sweep and a whip-like snap the tip of my tail just barely touched the peanut butter as it whipped by...WHAM!  The trap snapped shut.

The kids jumped up in fright and scampered away... but I called them back and got them all calmed down. Turns out it wasn’t just the  trap that frightened them… a couple of them said they thought they had seen a ghost…  the ghost of the ex custo … Greybeard the Gruff himself! And he was shouting, “I knew it! I knew it!” “Oh come now… couldn’t be … couldn’t be… we don’t believe in ghosts now do we? I said in my most patriarchal voice. I didn’t let on but there have been times in the past where I thought I had seen him myself! I spent the rest of the night telling them stories of heroic and legendary heroes... of Two Toed Tommygun Tobias from Chicago who lost some toes to a rat trap... and the likes of  Slippery Sam Santiago who once squeezed through a crack and escaped from a so-called ‘live trap’ down in sunny Mexico. Well we talked a lot and it was quite a sober bountiful brood by the time we company.

Well, so long now... gotta’ get some sleep... it’s getting light... don't let the bed bugs bite!             Custer MC Esq.